


No Song Without You

by ifisoundsordid



Series: Winter Isn't So Scary [6]
Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Future, Babysitting, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Future Fic, Healing, Implied Sexual Content, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Road Trips, theyre just happy and in love and they saved each other and i just love them so much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28741548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifisoundsordid/pseuds/ifisoundsordid
Summary: After everything with Yuki's song, with Uenoyama coming out, the boys find themselves in the future. They've managed to create a world between them where they are truly happy and comfortable together, and this is them living in it.Part of my Winter Isn't So Scary series! This one can largely be read as a one shot, but I think the character development is really poignant when you read the whole thing, and there are references to previous works throughout.
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka
Series: Winter Isn't So Scary [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067714
Comments: 26
Kudos: 141





	1. Chapter 1

When he wakes, it takes Mafuyu a few seconds to adjust to where he is. A double bed, in his bedroom, in his shared apartment. Not a bunk bed, in a tour bus, in some unknown city. He sighs, stretching and rolling in the familiar sheets, expecting to encounter a warm body next to him but just feeling the expanse of bed instead. The curtains are open, and he can just see a glimpse of the morning Tokyo skyline out of the window from his position in bed. A faint string of bangs and curses drifts in through the open bedroom door and Mafuyu chuckles. He’s in the kitchen then. Mafuyu slowly drags himself out of bed, putting on some boxers and a t-shirt he retrieves from the floor, left in the same place they were quickly discarded when they came in the night before. He doesn’t know if the clothes are his or not, but at this point their wardrobes have become so mixed it’s hard to tell whose clothes are who’s anymore. He pads his way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen and is met with the prettiest picture. Uenoyama Ritsuka, facing away from him cooking something, in just his boxers and an apron. Mafuyu wolf whistles and Ritsuka jumps, dropping the spatula in his hand.

“Motherfu—” he starts, stopping himself just in time, “You’re awake.”

“I am.” Mafuyu croons, walking up behind him and wrapping his arms around Ritsuka’s waist. He goes on his tiptoes to rest his chin on Ritsuka’s shoulder, so he can see what he’s cooking. It’s an omelette, or rather an attempt at one. More like scrambled eggs, but definitely not the worst thing he’s seen Ritsuka cook. It’s not burned. “I like the outfit.” He whispers in Ritsuka’s ear, and happily watches as it makes his neck muscles twitch.

Ritsuka chuckles under his breath, “I thought you might. I wanted to surprise you with breakfast in bed, but you _ruined_ it by being awake.”

“I wouldn’t say ruined. I’m having a great time.” Mafuyu laughs, snaking his hands to follow the lines of muscle on Ritsuka’s hipbones.

Ritsuka huffs air out of his nose, “ _Oi_ …I’m making breakfast. _And_ I’m still sore from last night.”

“Then we’ll switch. It’s my go anyway.”

“I’m _cooking_.”

Mafuyu takes his chin off Ritsuka’s shoulder and presses his face into his back, laughing. He brings his hands back up to the safe territory of Ritsuka’s waist, “I was only teasing.”

“I know. You’re a little shit.” He reaches his hand back to play with Mafuyu’s hair a little, before refocusing back on the stove.

Mafuyu starts following the lines of Ritsuka’s back muscles with his fingertips. As he’s gotten older, his shoulders have only gotten broader. He’s filled out enough to resemble Akihiko now, just like he’d always wanted.

“You’ve gotten skinner…” Mafuyu muses, mainly to keep teasing him.

“I know…” Ritsuka sighs, “but there’s no time to go to the gym when we’re on the road. I can start going again now we’re home.”

“Not too much though.”

“I know, I know. You don’t like it. But I can’t let Aki think he’s stronger than me.”

“Right. Of course.”

Now that Ritsuka has gotten big enough to rival Akihiko, he takes this rivalry very seriously. As does Akihiko. It’s a source of both great amusement and great annoyance for Haruki and him.

“Are you going to let me go?” Ritsuka asks, laugh in his voice, “Or do you want me to burn your breakfast?”

Living with Ritsuka, he’s gotten quite used to burned breakfast. Mafuyu does most of the cooking by default but Ritsuka is better at getting up in the morning than he is, leaving him to breakfast. He tries, bless him. He’s getting better too, to be fair to him. Mafuyu tugs on his hair in protest but lets him go. He’s let his hair grow out a little from when he was younger, but the undercut is still the same. Mafuyu loves to play with it, so one day when he realised that Ritsuka had let it grow enough to ruin the satisfying fuzzy texture he was just a little bit heartbroken. He didn’t say anything, but it must have shown on his face. Ritsuka didn’t say anything either, but walked into practise the next day with his neck freshly shaved. That was before they lived together. Now, Mafuyu shaves it for him whenever he decides Ritsuka needs it. Ritsuka cuts his hair for him too, going along with whatever bad decisions Mafuyu decides to make at 2am the second he opens his eyes wide and says please. Currently, he has a mullet. It looks great and Ritsuka did a very good job with it. The only thing Ritsuka doesn’t let him do anymore is dye it, after blue hair dye refused to wash out and he walked around with green hair and ginger roots for 6 months. He wasn’t aware of how attached Ritsuka was to Mafuyu’s hair up until that point.

They eat their food on stools around the breakfast bar. The room that was supposed to be the dining room got turned into a studio as soon as they were able to afford it. They’d never use a dining room anyway. The eggs are slightly rubbery, but not burned. Quite decent actually. They came back from a 5 month long worldwide tour only yesterday, and both of them are still getting used to it. Having room to move around, and being alone together. A whole apartment to themselves, rather than cramped tour buses and planes with each other but also Akihiko and Haruki and at least 3 other people at all times. It’s the calm before the storm, before everyone rushes to catch up with them after so long. Their suitcases are still where they left them in the hallway, chucked aside as soon as they walked in the door in favour of frantically making out. The ‘no sex on tour’ rule is pretty strictly enforced in the band. More specifically, it’s the ‘no sex on buses or planes or in public places where other band members or paparazzi could catch you’ rule. On the few nights they manage to sleep in hotels, it’s fair game. This means that towards the end of their tours, all members of Given start to get a little…snappy. But this band rule was decided very early on, to prevent them from getting to know each other a little _too_ well. It’s also to prevent rumours about their sex lives from circling around more than they already _are_. Given are a decently well-known band, enough to go on world tours and very popular and respected within their genre, but not so mainstream they have to give up their indie credibility. This moderate amount of fame comes with its downsides. Most of their fans (and not fans) agree that Mafuyu is gay, based on the contents of their songs. Which is fair enough. The real debate is that half of fans believe that him and Ritsuka (and Akihiko and Haruki) are in a relationship, whilst the other half angrily defend that they’re _not,_ they’re still eligible bachelors they have a shot of sleeping with. Ritsuka is easily the most popular, even if he’ll never admit to it, being the lead guitarist and all. It also wasn’t helped when he did a few modelling shoots with Yayoi. Mafuyu got those pictures framed and put them all around the apartment, resolutely ignoring all of Ritsuka’s protests.

In any case, none of their sexualities or relationship statuses are officially known. Their record company won’t let them come out, at least not for a few more years. Ritsuka wanted to argue it out of principle, until Mafuyu stopped him. Their relationship is something between them, a sacred space and a whole world they have together, and he doesn’t want the rest of the world to come in and taint it. He likes being private, right now. He likes reading thirst tweets and hearing people scream for Ritsuka and knowing that he’s the only one that ever gets to truly have him. He’s a bit petty like that. Akihiko and Haruki are pretty much the same. They had a private wedding just before this tour. He was Haruki’s best man, and Ritsuka was Akihiko’s. They didn’t even come back to Japan after the tour finished, immediately jetting off to go on their long-awaited honeymoon. Mafuyu loves them both dearly, but he’s enjoying not having to see them every second of every day. He hopes they’re having a great time.

Spending time with Ritsuka alone is different than spending time with Ritsuka-plus-others. Even though they’ve spent almost every day of the last 5 months together, he’s missed him in a way. He’s missed _them_ , to put it more accurately. Mafuyu loves Given, loves that this is what he gets to do for a living, but 5 months is a _long_ time. 5 months without seeing his mum, seeing Kedama, without his own bed. 5 months where he is stared at every night by thousands. 5 months where he has to be careful of everything he says and does in front of people just in case. Most of the time, just the experience of having thousands of people sing his own words back to him wipes that all away. Words he wrote at his lowest, being repeated at his highest. But every now and then it all gets a bit overwhelming and he needs to crouch in a dark corner and hide for a while. But there aren’t any dark corners to hide in on a tour bus, so whenever that happened Ritsuka would pull him into his bunk, close the curtains and hold him to his chest. Sometimes Ritsuka would put headphones on him, but most of the time just the beating of his heart would be enough to calm Mafuyu. He doesn’t think he could do this without Ritsuka, and he’s glad he doesn’t need to. Doesn’t even have to worry about needing to. He also knows Ritsuka feels the same way. He had exactly 3 panic attacks this tour, the most he’s ever had, but also this was their longest tour. But Mafuyu is always there to talk him down, and to hold him after, and neither of them would give this up for anything. Haruki and Akihiko let them get away with that, still overly protective even though Mafuyu and Ritsuka are all grown up now, but won’t accept any more PDA than that. Not that he can blame them, Ritsuka is more strict about it than anyone. The feelings he feels during their performances bleed into each other in his memory. The clearest memories he has from the tour is waking up to Ritsuka in hotel rooms. Surrounded by leftovers of room service, opening curtains to the Eiffel Tower, the London Eye, the Seoul skyline. Moments of happy quiet between happy chaos. Being alone with him for those short hours would be like slipping into a warm bath after a long day. Now that they’re home, they don’t have to live in between those moments anymore.

Ritsuka picks up their dishes when they’re finished and brings them to the dishwasher. By the time he turns around, Mafuyu is in front of him. Mafuyu circles his arms around Ritsuka’s waist once again, whilst Ritsuka smirks down at him.

“What do you want?” He asks, in that cocky way. Mafuyu told him a while ago that he likes it when his voice goes all deep, so now when he’s teasing he’ll purposefully drop the pitch.

“You’d already left the bed when I woke up this morning.” Mafuyu pouts, pressing his body into him. Ritsuka threads his hands through Mafuyu’s hair and brings his face close, but not close enough to kiss.

“And?” He smiles. He’s gotten used to this now, so Mafuyu can’t get him as easily as he used to. Not unless he really tries.

“We’ve only just gotten home. I miss waking up next to you.” Mafuyu slowly reaches behind Ritsuka’s back to undo his apron, as Ritsuka’s lips move closer to his.

“You’ll have tomorrow. And every day after that.”

Mafuyu shakes his head and his nose brushes against Ritsuka’s. “Not good enough,” he breathes, “you’ll have to make it up to me now.”

Ritsuka picks him up by the thighs and sets him down on the kitchen counter, “You’re so greedy.” He smirks, eyes glinting with the challenge. It’s the last coherent sentence either of them say for a few hours.

They shower together after, something they’ve both missed. It’s been a ritual since their first time, and he enjoys the closeness. The little atmosphere that cocoons them, whenever they’re being soft like this. There’s a whole world between them, a world where everything is comfortable and warm, and Mafuyu hasn’t been able to live in it enough recently. He feels months of stress and worry leak out through his skin and wash down the drain as Ritsuka washes his hair for him. It’s a brand of shampoo Yayoi used to use and Ritsuka used to steal, all the way back when they started dating. Mafuyu got attached to the way it smelled, but they couldn’t find it in other countries. He feels more grounded every second, his mind settling in Japan many hours after his body did. He works knots out of Ritsuka’s shoulders and they both truly relax for the first time in months. The last time he felt like this was probably their anniversary. They miraculously ended up in a hotel room in Paris that night. Actually it probably wasn’t miraculous, Haruki probably had something to do with it. They sat in a large corner bath together and watched the Eiffel tower light up through the window. It was only then he really understood the magnitude of what Ritsuka had given him. It was a life he never could have imagined for himself, not in his wildest dreams. This felt the same, but different. In Paris, Mafuyu realised how truly lucky he was to get to live these incredible moments. In the shower in their moderately sized apartment in Tokyo, Mafuyu realises how truly lucky he is to get to live these mundane moments. He gets to experience phenomenal things yes, but he also gets to live his life with a background sense of peace and contentment. There’s a steady warmth at his centre, a small burning sun, and that’s Ritsuka.

They wind up sitting together on the sofa, Ritsuka sprawled across it with his head in Mafuyu’s lap. Once Ritsuka got over being so easily flustered over everything, he revealed himself to be incredibly tactile. When they’re alone together, there’s barely a moment at least one part of his body isn’t touching Mafuyu, even when he’s doing his own thing. It grounds them both. Mafuyu is watching some true crime documentary while Ritsuka’s scrolling through Twitter, he can see the reflection of it in his glasses. Because they both wear glasses now. Ritsuka only needs to wear them when he’s tired, and Mafuyu finally gave in and got some of his own when Ritsuka did. The only time he doesn’t wear them is on stage. He tricks himself into believing it gives him some level of anonymity when he’s off stage.

“Twitter is going wild with rumours that we’re dating again.” Ritsuka murmurs from beneath him,

“Again?” Mafuyu replies, semi-interested. This has happened too many times for him to count.

“There’s a whole thread going round, look—”

Ritsuka sits up and scoots onto Mafuyu’s lap to show him and Mafuyu scrolls through. It’s a compilation of stuff that’s come up before, and stuff dug up from when they first started dating. There’s the interview where Mafuyu accidentally called him Ritsuka, Mafuyu remembers the comments.

**@bestboyuecchi – why is everyone freaking out**

**about mafuyu calling him ritsuka? he calls all**

**the other guys by their first names…**

**@mafuyubear – but uenoyama has said in interviews**

**that he doesn’t like being called by his first name, and**

**none of the other guys call him that**

**@givenday6 – do you think that mafuyu**

**is the only one that calls him ritsuka?? that’s**

**so cute omg**

The fact that his first name was ‘Ritsuka’ wasn’t particularly widely known until this interview. After this, all the references to ‘summer’ were also picked out of their songs and cited as evidence of their relationship. Sure enough, the next thing in the thread is screenshots of all the lyrics where Mafuyu has mentioned something to do with summer. Mafuyu is a bit embarrassed to realise that it’s over half of the songs they’ve released. He’s written a few more like that too. Not that all of those songs are _entirely_ about Ritsuka. Maybe he should find a new metaphor. Next are all the interviews where either one of them have avoided questions about current or past relationships, or their sexualities. Clips of concerts where they whisper to each other and play looking into each other’s eyes. Mafuyu can’t help doing this sometimes. When he’s not singing, when he gets to look to the side and see Ritsuka playing he can’t help walking up to him, facing him, and playing along with him. They’ve almost kissed a few times like that. Everything around him goes fuzzy when it happens, and it’s only Ritsuka. It’s a dangerous game, but it’s intoxicating looking at Ritsuka like that. Being that close to him, whilst riding the high of the stage. They haven’t kissed in front of anyone yet though and for that he thinks they should be proud, despite what Haruki shouts at them afterwards. There’s a trashy article about supposedly ‘amorous noises’ coming from hotel rooms they’ve stayed in. There are blurry photos that could be interpreted as them holding hands. The photo they took together on Mafuyu’s 19th birthday when they got matching nose piercings. There are separate Instagram posts where they have the same bedsheets in the background. Mafuyu posted that one on purpose. He likes to tease fans, just a little bit. He likes to see how far he can push it without their bosses getting mad at them. There’s a video of their show in Paris, where Mafuyu dedicated a song to Ritsuka as the encore. That made everyone mad at him, but it _was_ their anniversary, so Haruki at least let it go pretty quickly. There’s clips from the shows they played as openers for SYH, where Hiiragi calls them ‘lovebirds’ and the like a few times. The idiot. Him and Shizusumi are very openly dating, since Hiiragi let it slip once in a live interview. Both of them are absolutely shameless about it, turning up to shows and interviews covered with hickeys and bitemarks. Ritsuka very openly hates them for it, and Mafuyu secretly hates them for it. He’s considered ‘accidentally’ letting it slip a few times in interviews too, but always decided against it. Despite keeping their relationship secret being annoying, it does allow them privacy. It also spares them the vile comments SYH get on the internet sometimes.

At the very end of the thread is a video he hasn’t seen in years. It’s their first ever performance as a band, the first time he ever sang about Yuki. He presses play on the video and watches the version of himself that existed all that time ago. He didn’t know how important that moment would be then, but it’s strange to him how the moment that essentially started a new life for him was caught on video and is being spread around the internet.

“We look so young…” Ritsuka whispers, watching next to him,

“I know…we were practically the same height.” Mafuyu had almost forgotten about that. Ritsuka had another growth spurt shortly after and left him far behind.

Ritsuka laughs, “Do you wish you could go back to that?”

“Nothing in the world could convince me to go back to that time.”

Of course, Ritsuka didn’t mean it like that, but Mafuyu truly means what he says. The person in the video is a shell of a human being. Ritsuka’s eyes soften as he looks at Mafuyu, dropping a kiss to his cheek and nuzzling into him a bit more, “You never have to.”

They still play this song live of course, it’s a fan favourite. But he’s a bit sad to say that at this point, Mafuyu has sung it so many times he’s become a bit detached from the original meaning. Most of the songs he writes about Yuki now will never be released. They’re for him, they’re his catharsis. Ritsuka helps him write them too. But because he’s become so used to it, listening to himself in the video is a shock. There’s so much raw pain in his voice it’s hard for him to listen to. Being faced with the grieving mess of a person he used to be, Mafuyu is reminded of how much he’s grown. He remembers the day he realised he felt whole again. He was cutting up vegetables on the kitchen counter, listening to Ritsuka try and work on the melody of a new song whilst simultaneously trying to stop Kedama from sitting in his lap. He was laughing to himself, listening to them, and he felt something shift in his heart. Suddenly, but maybe not so suddenly, his heart didn’t have to work so hard to keep beating anymore. Yuki once told him in his dreams that he had a hole in his heart that would never heal, even if it got smaller. Yuki was right, but he also wasn’t. Mafuyu doesn’t think of it as a hole, he thinks of it as a space. He has a space in his heart that Yuki lives, but that space is sealed. It’s not leaking into his veins anymore. The space in his heart dedicated to Yuki didn’t interfere with his heart functioning anymore. He remembers starting to cry at the realisation, and Ritsuka coming in and asking what was wrong. Mafuyu just told him it was the onions as he wrapped his arms around him. They cooked the rest of the meal together.

The very end of the video shows them walking off stage together with Ritsuka’s arm around his collapsed shoulders. Of course what isn’t shown is their first kiss, which happened seconds after.

“I still can’t believe I did that,” Ritsuka chuckles, “not my _best_ timing.”

“It wasn’t a bad kiss considering what a little virgin you were.”

Ritsuka snorts, “Yeah yeah, you just happened to be my sexual awakening. Don’t be cocky about it.”

“It’s still one of my proudest achievements.” Mafuyu is still giggling as he pulls Ritsuka in by the neck to kiss him. Their kisses still remind him of stage lights with the way they make his body warm. That hasn’t changed, and he hopes it never does. Mafuyu hums against his lips as he separates them before things get too heated. His legs still need time to stop shaking from earlier.

“Send me that thread, I want to retweet it.” He says, and Ritsuka groans,

“Don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Stop playing your little games with them, you’ll get us found out.”

Mafuyu rolls his eyes, “Oh like you never join in with the game. You have just as much fun teasing them as I do, you just pretend not to.”

“I have the _decency_ to pretend not to. I’m not sending you the thread.”

“Then I’ll find it myself.”

Ritsuka sighs, defeated, and sends the thread to Mafuyu. Ritsuka may have gotten over being easily flustered, but he still can’t say no to him. Some things change, and some things don’t. He retweets the thread and within seconds his notifications are flooded with fans freaking out about it. He starts laughing, and Ritsuka can’t help joining in. He retweets the thread too and they watch their phones blow up with notifications until they’re both doubled over, practically crying with laughter.

Playing this game with fans is how Mafuyu deals with the absurdity of strangers being so invested in, what is from their point of view, an imagined relationship. He’s seen people draw art of them having sex. People write stories about them. Actually, he wasn’t aware of this until Akihiko started reading some out loud on the tour bus one day. As soon as Ritsuka realised what he was reading, he immediately tackled him and the boys started playfighting. He remembers Akihiko laughing cockily, before genuinely struggling to win the fight. Mafuyu thinks he forgets that Ritsuka isn’t a teenager anymore and that they’re practically the same size. Ritsuka is about an inch or so shorter and a little slimmer generally, but just as broad in the shoulders and probably just as strong. Neither of them won the fight though, because Mafuyu started reading aloud some fanfiction he found with a quick google search of Akihiko having sex with Haruki. What started out as a joke became a regular tradition on the tour bus on the long days they were travelling between venues.

_“Why does everyone write me as a submissive twink?” Haruki exclaims, throwing down his phone,_

_“Because you are.” Akihiko laughs,_

_“If I was a twink you’d be able to lift me up for more than two minutes at a time…” Haruki rolls his eyes but then shouts, as Ritsuka throws a pillow at him._

_“People write Mafuyu like that too. It’s weird.” Ritsuka says casually, easily catching the pillow thrown back at him._

_“They just don’t understand relationships between two guys, so they have to turn it into something that resembles a straight one. It’s somehow homophobic and sexist at the same time…” Mafuyu adds,_

_“They’re just straight 14-year-old girls being horny, let them have their fun.” Akihiko laughs, before continuing to read out a passage about Mafuyu crying whilst bottoming for the first time._

_“It’s not supposed to_ hurt _like that.” Haruki winces,_

 _“Why would I keep_ going _?!” Ritsuka says, appalled,_

 _“If anything, Ritsuka is the one more likely to—” Mafuyu tries to start but Ritsuka slips a hand across his mouth and Haruki covers his ears. “Mafuyu can you_ not _?” They say at the same time._

 _“Uecchi you_ cry _?” Akihiko smirks, and Ritsuka punches him in the arm hard enough to make him wince._

At the beginning, Ritsuka acted like he was superior to the whole thing and wouldn’t join in. Really, Mafuyu knows he was embarrassed. He’s not a little virgin boy anymore, but he still retains some of the innocence. In public, anyway. But a tour bus is small, so it’s hard to avoid the conversation when the rest of Given would start swapping their favourite bad stories. Eventually, he’d end up supplying the funniest ones. But the good ones were for just between them, texting each other links in the middle of the night. Mafuyu has noticed that Ritsuka has picked up lines from them on occasion, whether consciously or not, and it always makes Mafuyu laugh. The stories are based on the personas that each of the Given members present on stage and in interviews, so characterisation is always far enough from his real self that he can disconnect from it a little bit and just enjoy the story. A story that was totally in character would freak him out too much. The difference is more stark with Ritsuka, who has a very cocky stage persona. Much less so in interviews, but still nothing like the soft boy Mafuyu gets to see. That’s why the art and the fanfiction and the theories don’t upset him as much as he would originally have expected them to. There’s a Ritsuka that exists that only he knows, and that’s the best Ritsuka. That’s why he wants them to stay private too, he’s possessive of the Ritsuka that exists only for him. To let the world know about them would let the world know that there’s other sides of Ritsuka, and other sides of him too. He thinks the only way he can deal with this fame is if he doesn’t surrender all of himself to it. He doesn’t want to be corrupted by this life. He just wants to make music. He just wants to make music with Ritsuka.

It takes a while, but eventually their hysterical laughter calms down to gentle wheezing and they relax against each other again, Ritsuka making himself comfy on Mafuyu’s lap.

“Haruki will be mad at us again.” Ritsuka giggles weakly,

“Haruki is always mad at us.” Mafuyu rolls his eyes, but fondly.

“It’s funny how we have proper bosses now on our asses not to do this, but we’re still more scared of him than them.”

“Well, Haruki is _scary_.”

They giggle a bit more, and then settle back into watching the documentary. Ritsuka hates things like this but watches them because Mafuyu does. Mafuyu secretly likes the way he tries to hide the fact that he’s scared, and the way they make him nuzzle into Mafuyu a little bit closer. Some things change, and some things don’t. There’s a knock at the door and Ritsuka jumps and clambers off Mafuyu’s lap to try and hide it.

“That’s probably Yayoi.” He mutters as he leaves the room.

 _Yayoi_. Mafuyu forgot that she’d be coming over. Mafuyu gets up to follow, and when he gets to the front door he indeed sees that it’s Yayoi. She has a baby carrier in one hand and Ritsuka’s face squished in the other, turning his head to inspect his neck. It’s covered in bruises.

She clicks her tongue, “Christ you guys have been home a _day_. You look _diseased_.”

Ritsuka pushes her hand away, “Fuck off.”

Yayoi then puts the baby carrier down and the siblings hug. “I missed you, dumbass.” She laughs and embraces Mafuyu next, “You too, lovely.” She whispers in his ear,

“Oi, why am _I_ dumbass when Mafuyu gets to be lovely?!” Ritsuka protests,

“Because I like Mafuyu more than you.” Yayoi replies, deadpan. But Mafuyu can see the fondness in her eyes, even if Ritsuka can’t. Mafuyu crouches down to look in the baby carrier.

“I finally get to meet Aoi. I’m sorry I couldn’t before…” Mafuyu whispers, as Aoi wraps her hand around Mafuyu’s finger. She looks just like her mum, meaning she looks just like Ritsuka. Dark crop of black hair and bright blue eyes.

“It’s okay, it’s a miracle Rikka even managed to.”

Quite dramatically, Yayoi ended up giving birth a week past her due date the night before Given were supposed to leave for their tour. This meant that Ritsuka had to rush to the hospital at 2am whilst Mafuyu finished up their packing. He stayed with her until the baby was born and the tour bus left without him, so his dad had to drive him to meet up with the bus at a random petrol station 100 miles away. It was the most stressed either Mafuyu or Ritsuka had ever been, but it somehow felt very typical of the Uenoyama’s. Ritsuka phoned Yayoi everyday for a week until she told him to stop annoying her, but she still sends pictures to him most days. Ritsuka forwards them all to Mafuyu.

“Have you phoned our parents?” Yayoi asks Ritsuka,

“…I texted dad. I was gonna phone them tomorrow.”

“Right…”

Ritsuka’s relationship with his mum never particularly recovered after her reaction to him coming out. Mafuyu has only met her once, at a very awkward dinner at Ritsuka’s house. The only things she said to him were ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’. From what Mafuyu can gather, she’s trying to repair this relationship now, but Ritsuka considers it too little too late. That’s his decision, and Mafuyu trusts that he’s doing what he thinks is right for his own mental health. But he remains close to his dad, and Mafuyu has met him multiple times.

“Anyway, I’m sorry I can’t stay. But thanks for taking her for the night.” Yayoi smiles, dropping a heavily laden bag of baby supplies into Ritsuka’s arms.

“I can’t believe we’ve been back a _day_ and you’re already using me for babysitting.” He grumbles,

“That’s what baby brothers and their boyfriends are for! Besides, I’m taking you out for lunch tomorrow anyway so we can catch up properly then. Ma-san is coming, right Mafuyu?”

“Yeah,” Mafuyu says, “she took Kedama whilst we were gone so she’ll be dropping him back.”

“Amazing! Well—” she hugs both of them in turn, “I am really sorry but I’ve got to run. Welcome back, call me if you need anything!”

With that, she’s gone. Mafuyu laughs whilst Ritsuka sighs, heaving the bag into the living room whilst Mafuyu follows with the baby carrier.

“She seems well.” Mafuyu chuckles, setting Aoi down on the floor.

“Yeah yeah, she’s always well.” Ritsuka laughs under his breath, as he crouches down to unbuckle Aoi. He picks her up and effortlessly holds her on his hip, bouncing her gently, “Do you remember me? I’m your Uncle Rikka.” He whispers, as she looks up at him fascinated.

He looks at Mafuyu, “She’s so much bigger now.”

Mafuyu’s heart had been swelling up dangerously watching this encounter, but he snaps out of it when Ritsuka speaks to him, “I think that’s how babies work.”

“Weird…” Ritsuka looks down at Aoi, whilst Aoi looks up at him. Both of them are wearing identically fascinated expressions on their faces. Mafuyu can’t help taking a picture, and when Ritsuka notices he smiles, picking up Aoi’s hand to make her wave. He takes a few more like that, then huddles in to take a picture of all three of them. Looking at the pictures, he’s struck by a feeling he’s never particularly had before. They look like a little family. He shakes his head to get rid of it.

“Do you want to go to your Uncle Mafu?” Ritsuka smiles at him, handing over Aoi.

Mafuyu tries to emulate the way Ritsuka held her, settling her weight against his hip. “Uncle Mafu…” he whispers, mainly to himself. Aoi reaches up to grab his hair and Mafuyu laughs, “You’re just like your other uncle.”

Ritsuka laughs and kisses his forehead, “You do have nice hair,” he crouches to talk to Aoi, “doesn’t he?”

Mafuyu laughs but then they go silent, “…Ritsuka, what do you _do_ with a baby?”

They look at each other for a second, then to Aoi in Mafuyu’s arms, “Um…I’m sure Yayoi left instructions.” Ritsuka mumbles, crouching down to search through the bag of baby supplies. He pulls out diapers, a change of clothes, a changing mat, toys, a pop-up crib, bottles of milk and a bib before he finds a crumpled-up note at the very bottom.

“It says…we should feed her, and then put her to bed? I assume these are her pyjamas?” He holds up the change of clothes. It’s a bear onesie. “And that…she’ll probably wake up once in the night for feeding again, and then change her if she starts to smell?”

“That’s descriptive…” Mafuyu says, worried. He doesn’t like the idea of phoning Yayoi to ask for help.

Ritsuka stands up, “It’s okay, we’ll google it. I’m pretty sure the milk has to be heated up before she drinks it.” He picks up the bottles of milk and heads to the kitchen, leaving Mafuyu with Aoi. The family resemblance really is striking. It’s only then he realises he’s never seen any baby pictures of Ritsuka, but this has to be how he looked as a baby.

They manage to get Aoi fed and changed with as little difficulty as you could expect from two gay men who have never had to take care of a baby before, heavily helped out by google. When they put her in her crib however, she won’t settle. Mafuyu is about to suggest calling Yayoi when Ritsuka pulls an acoustic guitar from where it’s hanging on the wall and starts plucking at it. They have 4 guitars currently hanging on the wall – Ritsuka’s fender, Yuki’s Gibson and two matching acoustics they coincidentally bought each other one Christmas. Mafuyu doesn’t take his Gibson with him on tour anymore since it got lost at an airport for a week on their last tour. He felt a bit lost without it originally, but it’s better than losing it. He thinks Yuki would understand. Ritsuka starts playing a slowed down version of Yorugaakeru, their second single. Mafuyu takes the cue to sing along, and Ritsuka harmonises underneath him. He spent enough time with Mafuyu’s mum to learn. By the end of the song, Aoi seems to have drifted off. Mafuyu leans his head against Ritsuka’s shoulder and they keep going, singing a few of their older songs together in harmony. It feels nice, to sing for his own enjoyment rather than for a crowd. He looks up at Ritsuka and sees Ritsuka looking at Aoi with the softest look on his face. Mafuyu has never seen Ritsuka look at anyone but him like that. He thought that look existed only for Mafuyu. He gets that feeling again, a swelling in his heart and a sense of family life.

“She likes music…” Mafuyu whispers and it makes Ritsuka smile, “Maybe you’ll be able to teach her.”

“I’d like that.” His eyes get even softer, and the feeling in Mafuyu’s heart gets stronger,

“I didn’t think you liked kids.”

Ritsuka hums and puts down the guitar, “It’s different though, isn’t it? When it’s family?”

“I suppose so…” Mafuyu pushes his face harder into Ritsuka’s shoulder and he laughs, lifting his arm so Mafuyu can burrow into him, “Would you want kids then?” Mafuyu asks, tentatively.

Ritsuka hums again and presses his cheek to the top of Mafuyu’s head, “I guess I stopped thinking it was even an option at some point, but…she’s sweet, isn’t she?”

“She is…” Mafuyu agrees.

They sit in comfortable silence for a few minutes, wrapped in each other and staring at Aoi sleeping, until Ritsuka suddenly chuckles. “We should get married first before we start talking about kids though.” He raises his hand to scratch the back of his neck, whilst Mafuyu smirks at him.

“Is that a proposal?” He teases.

“You underestimate me. I like to think my proposal would be a _little_ more romantic than that.”

“Not if I propose to you first.”

Ritsuka chuckles and shifts to pull Mafuyu onto his lap. He kisses him deeply, cradling Mafuyu’s face in his hands. Mafuyu wants to be the one to propose. He knows no one expects it from him, least of all Ritsuka. He suspects Ritsuka already has a ring, he saw a suspiciously large amount of money come out of their bank account about a month ago. Mafuyu had been taking small amounts of money out of this bank account at a time, to not raise the same suspicion and had the ring delivered to his mum about 3 months ago. Ritsuka does so much for him, has always done so much for him, everything that Ritsuka does for him shows how much he cares. For once, Mafuyu wants to do the big gesture, he wants to say the right thing. Mafuyu wants to leave Ritsuka in no doubt about how much he loves him and how much he wants to spend an entire lifetime beside him. He’d known he wanted to marry Ritsuka in some abstract sense in the future for years now, but the need to actually _propose_ struck him all at once at Akihiko’s and Haruki’s wedding. As both of their best men, they walked down the aisle together and stood on opposite sides of the altar. Ritsuka was wearing a tuxedo and all Mafuyu could think was how truly _beautiful_ he was, as he smiled shyly at Mafuyu from across the distance. If they were standing just a little bit closer, it could have been their wedding. At that moment, he wanted it to be them. He felt his eyes tear up and thought he could see Ritsuka’s do the same. When they danced together later that evening, pressed up against Ritsuka’s chest and listening to his steady heartbeat, he had never felt so sure of anything. It was the least amount of deliberating he had ever done over a decision, and he started to look for rings that night.

Ritsuka pulls his face away and looks at Mafuyu like he’s something precious, like he always does, and Mafuyu will never get over it. “What do you think, Uenoyama Mafuyu or Sato Ritsuka?” He giggles.

Mafuyu pretends to think it over, as if he hasn’t already decided this in his head, “I like Uenoyama Mafuyu…and then your mum can stop freaking out about the name dying with her or whatever it is.”

Ritsuka frowns a little, “You shouldn’t do things just to make my mother happy. It’s not even her maiden name anyway, it’s my dad’s.”

Mafuyu runs his thumb down Ritsuka’s cheek, feeling the faint stubble there. “I know…” he whispers, “it’s nothing to do with her. But Uenoyama Mafuyu _does_ have a nice ring to it.”

“I suppose it does.” He whispers back, raising his head towards Mafuyu. Mafuyu meets him halfway, smiling against his lips. It’s still so good. Ritsuka tastes like home. Like hot chocolate and festival cotton candy. But then Aoi makes a noise and both their heads whirl round to look at her crib. They stay frozen like that for a minute or so, waiting for her to start crying. When no more noises occur, they relax once again.

“We really never get to rest do we?” Mafuyu sighs, cuddling up against Ritsuka’s chest. He’s suddenly exhausted.

Ritsuka pulls a blanket from the back of the sofa and cocoons them in it. “We don’t really,” he chuckles, “what do we have to do tomorrow?”

“We have lunch with my mum and your sister and then we’re going to dinner at Ugetsu’s to meet his new boyfriend. We’ll probably end up staying over, you know what he’s like.”

“Ugetsu has a boyfriend now?”

“Yeah, I think he sells houses or something. Doesn’t seem like his type really, but he sounded happy on the phone.”

“Right.”

“And then the day after I think we have that PR meeting. We’ll probably get shouted at again. And then we’re meeting up with Hiiragi and Shizu to plan Yuki’s birthday.”

Ritsuka hums, “Of course…it’s his birthday soon. How are you feeling about it?”

Mafuyu shrugs, “Excited, I guess? It’s usually a nice day. It’ll be nice to see Saeko-san.”

They started celebrating Yuki’s birthday again a few years ago. He had started to feel sad about getting older, about growing up without Yuki who would remain eternally 16 in his memories. It was only when he shared this with Ritsuka, and he replied with “Why don’t you celebrate him getting older too then?” that they started doing it. If Yuki’s worst fear was Mafuyu forgetting him, then Mafuyu will keep him alive in his memories. It’s the least he can do, to thank Yuki for everything he’s given him. Yuki was his first friend, his best friend, and he taught Mafuyu how to love. He taught Mafuyu all the ways the world can be kind and all the ways the world can be cruel. He started him on his path that led Mafuyu to this life and gave him the tools he needed to create this happiness. Every day he wishes Yuki didn’t have to go. He knows he could have learned these things in a different way, but he’s accepted that in his own way. He was selfish for wanting to forgive, and for wanting forgiveness, when it wasn’t for him to ask for. But by some miracle, it was granted to him anyway by a sleepy boy he met in a stairwell. Yoshida Yuki was his genesis, and Uenoyama Ritsuka was his salvation.

“Ritsuka…” Mafuyu mumbles, and Ritsuka hums, “Do you remember when you finished Yuki’s song?”

He groans, “Not my finest moment, but sure.”

“I was wondering…if we could _rewrite_ it…” Ritsuka looks down at Mafuyu and sees him hesitate, so he waits, “I always thought it was sad…I never got to make music with him. But I thought it was even _more_ sad that you didn’t either.”

“Why me?” He whispers.

Why _anyone_ else in the world but you, Mafuyu thinks. “Because together you guys would have been _incredible_.” He breathes, earnestly looking into Ritsuka’s eyes, “When you finished his song you didn’t put any of _you_ into it, but if you _did_ …? Ritsuka, I— I think about it all the time. How amazing that would be.”

He can see Ritsuka’s eyes start to glimmer a little bit with tears and Mafuyu retracts his hands from his face, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” he starts,

“Only if you join in too.” Ritsuka interrupts him, squishing Mafuyu’s cheeks between his palms.

“You really don’t mind?”

“Nah, it’ll be fun.” He chuckles, “I needed to get him a present anyway.”

To this day, Ritsuka still surprises Mafuyu with how unconditionally kind he is. He’s the brightest light Mafuyu will ever know.

“I love you so much.” Mafuyu brings his forehead down to Ritsuka’s, counting the flecks of colour in his eyes,

“I love you just as much.” Ritsuka smiles up at him, watching Mafuyu’s irises disappear into his pupils.

They kiss and they touch and they melt into one another, falling into a rhythm that matches the pace of their quickening hearts. He’ll never get bored of the way he falls helpless beneath Ritsuka’s burning fingertips, the way his deep voice vibrates through Mafuyu’s throat. The scent of flowers in his nose and his skin prickling like it’s under the summer sun. There’s a hand up his t-shirt and a shift underneath him and he breaks away, giggling between heavy breaths.

“We _can’t_ , there’s a _baby_ in the room.” He whispers,

“Then we’ll go to a different room.” Ritsuka replies, his voice deep and deadly. The look on his face is cocky and he knows Mafuyu can’t resist it. Mafuyu hates that he’s right.

“You’re like a horny teenager. Remember when you were a little virgin too scared to touch me, where did he go?” Mafuyu teases,

“You killed him when you took my virginity. Give it back if you miss him so much.” Ritsuka teases back, weaving his hand further up Mafuyu’s shirt.

“It’s _far_ too late for that.”

“Exactly,” Ritsuka says, as he easily lifts Mafuyu up in his arms and begins to carry him towards their bedroom, “You’re stuck with me then.”

Mafuyu clings on to him, laughing. He’s never letting go.


	2. Miracle Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uenoyama is about to propose but being very obvious about it, but Mafuyu isn't planning on letting him.

“FUCK.” Ritsuka shouts, right in Mafuyu’s ear. His Converse kicked a corner and now he’s tripping, falling into the hallway wall.

“Shhh, don’t be so loud!” Mafuyu hisses, trying to be quiet but slamming into the wall too, falling with Ritsuka’s momentum.

“You’re being loud!” Ritsuka hisses back,

Mafuyu sighs, “Maybe this is why Ugetsu never lets us leave early. To spare our neighbours.”

Mafuyu is trying to fish their apartment keys out of his jeans pocket, but this process is severely hindered by the very tall, quite tipsy guitarist plastered onto his back.

“Can you let me go a minute?” Mafuyu asks, trying his best to sound exasperated.

“No.” Ritsuka tightens the arms he currently has snaked around Mafuyu’s waist and chest.

“Not even to get the keys?”

“Nope.” Mafuyu feels Ritsuka dip his head down to nuzzle his head between Mafuyu’s shoulder blades, his soft hair tickling the sensitive skin at the nape of Mafuyu’s neck. Ritsuka is a clingy drunk, and Mafuyu has to pretend he doesn’t enjoy it.

“I’m never letting you try and match Ugetsu drink for drink ever again.”

“I’m not that drunk.” Ritsuka pouts. Mafuyu assumes he’s pouting based upon the bratty edge in his voice.

“Sure.”

Suddenly, Mafuyu is released, turned around and pressed up against their apartment door. Ritsuka has slipped a thigh in between Mafuyu’s legs and is riding up his knee  _ dangerously _ high, and both of his hands are braced on either side of Mafuyu’s head. The sudden change in position, sudden pressure in places there  _ wasn’t  _ pressure before, and his own inebriation mean that his thoughts take longer to catch up with his body than usual. This means that before he can even remember that he’s supposed to be acting annoyed, he’s staring with his eyes half lidded and mouth half open at the very fine pair of lips that suddenly make up most of his field of vision. Somehow, his fingers have already entangled themselves in Ritsuka’s belt loops. But he remembers himself, untangles his fingers, closes his mouth and hopes that Ritsuka’s too drunk to notice how easily Mafuyu is affected when he acts like this.

“I’m not drunk.” Ritsuka growls, smirking down at him. He’s dropped his voice on purpose because he knows that Mafuyu likes it. Stupid gravely voice and stupid clear blue eyes with the stupid knowing glint in them. Stupid cocky boy who only seems to realise how much he has Mafuyu under his thumb when he’s drunk. Which only happens once in a blue moon, so Mafuyu doesn’t have to deal with this too often. That also means he hasn’t worked out  _ how  _ to deal with this yet. Mafuyu rolls his shoulders and neck to counteract the shiver going down his spine, places his hand on a very  _ firm _ chest and pushes Ritsuka away. A little bit. Maybe a centimetre or two.

“Can you at least wait until we get  _ inside _ ?” Mafuyu hisses, rolling his eyes for show. Ritsuka’s domineering composure breaks into a fit of giggles as he releases against the skin of Mafuyu’s neck, which does absolutely nothing to help Mafuyu’s current predicament. Mafuyu’s heart goes so soft for Ritsuka it would scare him, if it weren’t for Ritsuka’s unwavering reciprocity. But Ritsuka’s love tints Mafuyu’s life like a filter, all saturated colours and soft edges. Never changing in its intensity. There’s nothing to be scared of anymore.

Ritsuka’s hand slips into Mafuyu’s pocket and retrieves the keys with ease, bringing them up and jingling them between their faces with a lazy smile. Mafuyu snatches them away, keeping up the annoyed act, but his face cracks open into a smile when he turns around to unlock the door and Ritsuka plasters himself to his back once again. He doesn’t let go even when Mafuyu gets the door open, so they waddle in like that as Kedama trots to greet them. Mafuyu bends down to pet him and Ritsuka wolf-whistles in response.

“You’re a menace when you’re drunk.” Mafuyu groans,

“You  _ love _ it when I’m drunk.” Ritsuka counters, and he’s not wrong. Mafuyu hates that he’s not wrong and hates that Ritsuka knows it. But rather than admit this, Mafuyu decides to be a little shit instead. Mafuyu quickly worms his way out of Ritsuka’s grasp the second he’s distracted by Tama and sprints down the hallway. It takes him a few seconds, but he can hear when Ritsuka starts chasing him, heavy footfalls getting closer as Kedama starts yapping. So much for staying quiet for the neighbours. But he’s drunk, and young, and in love. The neighbours aren’t the protagonists of his story, so who cares? The chase continues around the apartment, both hurdling over furniture and dodging around expensive music equipment. They both nearly die like three times sliding around in their socks across the wooden floors, giggling the way they almost forgot how to when they were teenagers. The chase ends with Ritsuka tackling him onto the sofa, his skilled hands drilling into the sensitive spot on Mafuyu’s side that makes him squirm and twist to get away despite the laughter forming tears in the corner of his eyes.

But all of a sudden it stops, and arms wrap around his middle and Ritsuka curls up into a ball against Mafuyu’s side. He looks so small and cute when he does this, despite the long limbs and broad shoulders. Mafuyu sees the shadow of the lanky teenager too scared to ask for the love he needed. But Ritsuka asks now. “Can we just stay here for a bit please? I don’t want to let go of you just yet.” He whispers in a voice that’s so achingly vulnerable it’s almost ridiculous.

“You act as if you weren’t tickling me 2 seconds ago,” Mafuyu laughs under his breath.

“You started it,” Ritsuka retorts.

“No,  _ you _ started it when you pushed me against the door. You started it in the  _ taxi  _ when you put your hand—”

“You haven’t kissed me all night you know?” Ritsuka interrupts with a whine. He’s pouting now. The full Ritsuka pout only comes out when he’s drunk. It’s very cute, and very annoying.

“Because we were at  _ Ugetsu’s _ —”

“ _ So?!  _ He’s gay too.”

“ _ You’re  _ the one who doesn’t like PDA. You’re just needy when you’re drunk.”

“I keep telling you I’m not drunk!” Ritsuka protests.

“You very clearly are.”

“I drank as much as you! You’re not drunk!  _ And _ I’m like twice the size of you!” Ritsuka protests  _ harder _ .

“But you’re such a lightweight.” Mafuyu can’t help giggling at the look on his face. The puffy cheeks, the wide eyes, the pouty lips all make him look so much younger, despite the strong cheekbones and jawline and the shadow of stubble that decorates it. He pokes Ritsuka’s nose at his last remark, and Ritsuka scrunches it like a kitten.

“Anyway!” Ritsuka continues protesting, “you’re this needy when you’re  _ sober _ , so what does that say about you?”

“I am not.” Mafuyu lies.

“You are!”

“Nope.”

“What about when Kedama sleeps in the middle of the bed a few nights in the row, so you can’t cuddle me at night? You get so grumpy when that happens.”

“I do not.” Mafuyu lies again.

“You do! You hang onto me like a barnacle.”

“A  _ barnacle?!”  _ Mafuyu shifts as if to move away, making a show of being heartily offended, but he doesn’t try very hard and his boyfriend is very strong, so he goes nowhere.

“A very cute one yes.” Ritsuka looks up at him so angelically it makes Mafuyu’s heart flutter a little. He’s mortified by it. How dare his heart go so soft when Ritsuka’s being such an  _ idiot _ .

“That only happens because you refuse to kick Kedama out of the bed. You spoil him.”

“I feel  _ bad _ …”

“He’s a dog, I’m your  _ boyfriend _ .”

“But—”

“You wont even have sex with me when he’s in the room—”

“That’s because he’s our  _ son _ ! That’s  _ weird _ —”

“Just say you love Tama more than me and leave it at that.”

Ritsuka lets out a long-suffering groan and presses his face into Mafuyu’s waist, “Mafuyuuuu…” he whines, the way a spoiled child whines when they don’t get what they want.

“Whaatt?” Mafuyu whines back, mimicking his tone.

“Can you kiss me?” he whispers, back to small and soft and vulnerable.

Mafuyu does immediately, dropping all attempts to seem annoyed. Teasing Ritsuka is one thing, it’s what he spends most of his life doing, but Ritsuka isn’t a spoiled child. He still rarely lets himself ask for what he wants so plainly. Mafuyu revels in the needy, rewards the clingy.  _ You’re allowed to be more selfish _ . He’s lost track of the number of times he’s told him so. Ritsuka submits in a way he rarely submits, letting himself be kissed, letting Mafuyu crane his neck back to make him feel small. It always feels good, giving softness back to the soft boy. Ritsuka’s love isn’t big or dramatic. He doesn’t do grand gestures or soliloquies. His love is as phenomenal as the Earth turning on its axis, but similarly mundane. It’s just always there, always happening. It’s the constant pressure on a wound that stops it from bleeding. Mafuyu isn’t sure what his own love feels like. But Ritsuka’s, it envelops him so completely he can’t help but wonder if his own can even compare. He knows he loves Ritsuka as entirely as Ritsuka loves him, but he can’t help but worry that his can’t be felt. So any time Ritsuka just shuts up and lets himself be loved is an opportunity Mafuyu grasps and caresses gently with his fingertips.

Ritsuka makes his soft little kitten noises as Mafuyu kisses him deeper. Mafuyu feels as each of Ritsuka’s muscles tenses up, trembles and relaxes in turn under his hands. When Mafuyu pulls away Ritsuka blinks groggily like he’s been woken from a dream and he turns his face up greedily to ask for more.

“You know we can’t have sex when you’re this drunk.” Mafuyu frowns, breathing the words over expectant lips.

“Make me a coffee then.” Ritsuka replies, entirely earnest, in his deadliest whisper. Not the dropped pitch he does to get under Mafuyu’s skin, but the unintentional back of the throat gravel that slips out when Ritsuka is genuinely wanting. Mafuyu is so whipped for that voice that he immediately gets up to make one, earning him a happy giggle from the sofa. They have coffee together sitting on the kitchen floor, laughing over each other as Kedama attacks their toes.

Later, when Tama is unceremoniously locked out of their bedroom, Mafuyu lays Ritsuka bare underneath him. Sprawled out across the mattress, looking up at him with holy eyes like he did the first time, Mafuyu wants to crack him open along the seam running down the middle of his chest. He wants to inspect his insides, figure out all the places that are hurting and kiss them better, find all the spaces, all the thoughts that are still hidden from him. It’s not unusual for them to do it this way round, but not as often as Mafuyu would like. Ritsuka still hesitant to ask for the extra attention and Mafuyu still scared of hurting him. But even so, Ritsuka is looking at him with the same vulnerability he had in his eyes when he said, “…but right now, for this, I need you to be here. With me.” The very first time. So open, so beautiful, so sacred. So Mafuyu takes his time. You’d think after all these years he would be used to Ritsuka’s body, it wouldn’t make him breathless anymore. You’d think Mafuyu would know everything there is to know about it. But the curves of the muscles that make up his chest, shoulders and arms just remind him of paint strokes. The way they undulate under his ragged breath reminds Mafuyu of the soothing breeze that comes through their open bedroom window on hot summer mornings. There’s melodies engraved into Ritsuka’s anatomy, Mafuyu can taste them when he licks up Ritsuka’s skin. Always on the tip of his tongue, but whenever he tries to write them later they fall short. He just has to study them harder. It doesn’t matter if it takes him the rest of his life. He whispers an endless stream into Ritsuka’s ears as he moves.

_ You’re so good. You’re so golden. You’re doing so well. You deserve this. You deserve everything. My baby, my darling, my sunshine, my happiness. My person. My miracle boy. You’re good. I love you. I love you so much. _

Over and over again he whispers, not really thinking about what he’s saying but knowing that he means every word. Ritsuka doesn’t say much, but his breath is staccato. Choked-off moans. Increasingly desperate gasps. The tiniest high-pitched whines. Ritsuka’s eyes are shut tight, but when Mafuyu asks him to look at him he forces them open. A whole sky looks up at Mafuyu, tears collecting in the corners. This happens each time. Mafuyu remembers panicking the first time, stopping immediately and having to deal with a very sulky Ritsuka afterwards.

(“ _ Why the fuck did you stop?!” _

_ “You were crying!!” _

_ “No I was not!!” _

_ “Yes, you were!” _

_ “I’m emotional!! You keep saying nice shit! That doesn’t mean you stop!”) _

All the space inside Ritsuka is taken up by the love he has stored up to give to others. There’s barely any room for love to be received, so it leaks out the sides.

“…miracle boy…” Ritsuka ponders afterwards, looking up at Mafuyu from his chest, strands of hair shamelessly falling all over his face, “You’ve started calling me that whenever we do this.”

Mafuyu hums, and moves his hands so he can try to tame some of Ritsuka’s hair,

“What does it mean?”

Mafuyu looks into the summer sky eyes and grins, before looking down. He first said it the night they came back from tour, the first time he’d shared Ritsuka’s body in almost half a year, and it’s been a few weeks of him saying it since. He doesn’t know where it came from, but it fits. Miracle boy.

“I’m not sure,” Mafuyu hesitates, trying to find the words, “I guess…it’s just, I think you’re the best thing that could have happened to me.” Ritsuka scoffs, and Mafuyu hits the back of his head and continues, “I think—the fact that you came into my life at  _ that _ time, and you just…changed everything so much. I think you were…I don’t know…maybe—a little bit of a miracle.” Mafuyu watches as Ritsuka’s eyes go from disbelieving to mesmerised.

“I think you saved me a little.” He finishes, the words just ghosting over his lips.

Ritsuka whispers the smallest little “­Oh,” before hiding his face in Mafuyu’s collarbone, causing his hair to flop down into Mafuyu’s face. He tries to ignore the sound of aggressive sniffing underneath him, but now that Ritsuka’s been sufficiently loved and adored Mafuyu can’t resist the urge to start teasing him again.

“I didn’t take you for a crier when we first met.” Mafuyu remarks innocently.

“Can you just—” Ritsuka starts immediately, raising his head in indignation and staring hard at Mafuyu with angled eyebrows. For a second at least, before his breath catches and his eyes soften at Mafuyu looking back at him. “Fuck.” He sighs, plopping his head back on Mafuyu’s chest but turning his face away.

“What?” Mafuyu inquires, keeping his tone light.

“I can’t look at you and be annoyed. You’re too pretty and I’m too tired.” This catches Mafuyu off-guard, so he giggles. Moving his hands from Ritsuka’s hair, he encircles his shoulders and squeezes. Ritsuka responds to Mafuyu’s touch immediately, nestling himself deeper into the shoulder joint. “Just give me a break Maf. You know I get all overwhelmed and shit when you’re nice to me.” The words are muffled, lips pressed against skin.

Mafuyu kisses him on the forehead, “Would you prefer degradation?”

“No!” Ritsuka starts again, gets angry again, makes Mafuyu laugh again. His cheeks are heating up. “Well…maybe—but that’s a whole different conversation! You can’t be nice to me for a time and then attack me when my defences are low.”

Mafuyu dips his head forward to kiss him, because yes he can. Ritsuka huffs a laugh against his mouth and bites his lip in retaliation, but that’s all the fight Ritsuka has in him right now. Before long he’s back to making his kitten noises, and Mafuyu pulls away with a teasing grin. In the few seconds it takes for Ritsuka’s brain to catch up his face is stuck mid-kiss with half-shuttered eyes and bottom lip hanging forward. It’s a face that easily rearranges into a pout.

“You know we have to be up so we can pack tomorrow?” Mafuyu reminds him. Between Ugetsu’s house, the taxi, the coffee and then all this it’s almost morning.

Ritsuka groans, “There you go again. You gotta bring me back to reality. I don’t want to remember my responsibilities outside of kissing you.”

“Is that your most pressing responsibility?”

“Yes sir.” He crawls forwards on Mafuyu’s chest to kiss him this time. As he bends his neck backwards he can feel Ritsuka shift from receiving love to giving it. The amount of time before the shift is slowly getting longer, Mafuyu thinks. They’re getting there, the two of them.

“You know we  _ are _ packing to go on holiday together. It’s not the worst chore.” Mafuyu breaks them apart with a grin once again and Ritsuka rolls his eyes.

“I know but like. We  _ are  _ moderately famous. We could pay people to pack for us.” He lazily rolls his way off of Mafuyu’s chest, landing on the pillow next to him.

“And then they find out we’re dating when we can’t tell them whose clothes are whose, or they find the 20 bottles of lube under the sink from when you bought them in bulk on offer. Then they sell it to the newspaper and we have a sex scandal. All because you’re lazy.”

“I think as a couple we’re attractive enough to survive a sex scandal.” Ritsuka ponders at the ceiling, and Mafuyu lazily goes to hit him in the chest.

“Ritsuka…” Mafuyu sighs, as his hand is easily caught and intertwined with another.

“Fine! We’ll go to sleep!” Ritsuka snaps, pretending to be annoyed and turning away. But this is how they sleep. This is how they’ve always slept. Uenoyama Ritsuka is a little spoon. Mafuyu scooches over and slots in, one arm under his neck and one wrapped around his torso, nose buried in the soft hair. He admires the wonky lines of the ‘M’ clumsily stick and poked into Ritsuka’s shoulder by Hiiragi one night when they were drunk. It was when they’d just moved into this apartment and they had no furniture, so him and Mafuyu and Hiiragi and Shizu sat on the bare floors together. Instead of a proper housewarming present, Hiiragi had brought cheap sparkling wine and a stick and poke kit. Shizu brought nothing. None of them liked the wine but they drank it anyway, Hiiragi the first one of them to turn 21. Mafuyu has a similarly wonky R on his shoulder. Shizu has a wonky H on his ankle, and Hiiragi also has a very small, very neat S on his. They also all tattooed Y’s on their ankles. Hiiragi tattooed Ritsuka. Mafuyu tattooed Hiiragi. Shizu tattooed Mafuyu.

Holding Ritsuka always makes him seem small. Right now, he could be the same size as the still shivering boy who had his first panic attack. No matter how many inches he grows, no matter how much he goes to the gym and how many stretch marks start to creep across his shoulders, as soon as he turns over and curls up he’s tiny. A munchkin cat having a nap.

“Hey.” A small kitten-whisper emerges from the pillow and Mafuyu moves his nose closer to Ritsuka’s ear to catch it.

“Hi.” He whispers back,

“You know you saved me too, right?”

Mafuyu’s heart contracts and then explodes, like the birth of a star. In a one bed apartment in the middle of Tokyo. So miraculous but so mundane at the same time.

“I do.” Mafuyu squeaks. He believes it too, mostly.

“I love you.” The whisper smiles.

“I love you more.”

“Never.”

Mafuyu falls asleep rewriting the speech he’s been rehearsing in his head all day. He’s going to propose in 2 days. He knows Ritsuka has been planning this trip for weeks, and he knows he’s going to propose at the end of it. So he has to do it first. But when Ritsuka asked about the meaning behind miracle boy, he ended up spilling out half of the speech he’d already been rehearsing. But Mafuyu wakes up inside a dream of a memory, staring at his phone on the bedside table as it rings. When he picks it up he hears the familiar voice. The recurring conversation.

“Hello, is this Sato-san?” A woman’s voice, bright but nervous. Vaguely familiar at the time but hauntingly familiar now.

“Yes.”

“This is Yoko. Uenoyama Yoko? Ritsuka’s mother. We met once.”

Mafuyu hums down the line, remembering a woman with exceptionally kind eyes except for when they regarded her son. “Ritsuka isn’t here.” He says simply.

“Oh no, no I wanted to talk to you actually!” She laughs, but more than a little forcedly.

“Oh.”

“Ritsuka’s stopped talking to me, he doesn’t pick up when I call him anymore. He still talks to his father perfectly fine, it’s just me.”

“I think that’s because you didn’t support him after he came out.”

There’s a small muffled scoff down the line and then silence. Silence which Mafuyu doesn’t break. He almost hangs up. He should have hung up.

“Well. I was hoping to invite  _ both _ of you round for dinner! To make up for lost time.”

“Mm.”

Mafuyu can tell she expects him to say more, but he doesn’t give it to her. There’s more uncomfortable silence that Mafuyu doesn’t care about.

“Well, would you like to?” She finally breaks, after some time.

“I’ll have to talk to Ritsuka. Ritsuka isn’t here.”

“Oh. Right. Of course.”

Mafuyu then hears the sound of Kedama barking, and keys in the door. “I have to go now.” He hurries down the phone, quickly hanging up. From the bedroom he walks to the kitchen, picking up Kedama on his way and plucking a grocery bag out of one of Ritsuka’s hands. He darts over to place a kiss on Mafuyu’s cheek before they unpack the groceries in sync.

“Your mum just called me,” he says absentmindedly, halfway through the job. He’d only just remembered.

There’s a clatter as Ritsuka drops whatever he’s holding. A can of something that makes a large bang and a scrape as it rolls across the floor.

“What?” Ritsuka says, and Mafuyu looks from the can to his face and blanches at the expression he finds there. Childlike shock and hurt distort his features. Until this point, Mafuyu wasn’t aware that the topic of Yoko bothered Ritsuka so much.

“Your mum just called me.” He repeats, more seriously this time.

“What did she want?”

“To invite us to dinner.”

“What did you say?”

“That I’d have to ask you.”

Ritsuka lets out a breath and leans against the countertop, rubbing his face roughly with his hands. “Tell her no. Tell her to fuck off.” He takes in another deep breath, “No, no, don’t talk to her at all. I’m sorry she called you. She shouldn’t be cornering you like that.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s  _ not _ okay!” He bursts out, suddenly increasing his volume. Mafuyu walks into his space and leans into him, wrapping his arms around Ritsuka’s head and neck. “Hey…I’m fine.” He soothes, “Don’t worry about me.”

“I just. I don’t want her anywhere near you.” He breathes back.

“Why not?”

Ritsuka leans back to look Mafuyu in the eyes, “She made me feel ashamed my whole life. I don’t want you to even… _ have _ to deal with her. Ever.”

“But I think she’s trying—”

“It’s not enough, Mafuyu,” Ritsuka interrupts, “you can’t undo all that with a few half-assed attempts to seem cordial. She hasn’t even said sorry.”

“Maybe she wants to say it in person.”

“She doesn’t  _ deserve _ to get to say sorry in person. She can start on the phone.”

That hurts, a little distantly. He’s projecting and he knows it, but it hurts. A little. “Everyone deserves to say sorry,” he whispers.

“Mafuyu, I didn’t mean it like that.” Ritsuka’s voice softens as he trails his thumb down Mafuyu’s cheek, but then hardens again, “But also this isn’t…the same as that? It’s been like…6 years since I came out? 6 years of her treating me like a stranger, and then suddenly it’s fine? Happy families again! She hasn’t even acknowledged that she’s done something  _ wrong _ .”

“Don’t you  _ want _ happy families?”

Ritsuka walks out of Mafuyu’s arms, not unkindly but he feels a sting anyway. “Not like that! Not without even acknowledging any of the problems that caused the unhappy family!” Ritsuka rebukes as he paces behind the breakfast bar. He doesn’t shout as loudly as he used to, but Mafuyu still hates it. Not because it scares him, but because Ritsuka never really gets  _ angry.  _ He gets upset, and it comes out as angry. Mafuyu hates when he’s upset.

“Then talk to her and make her acknowledge it!” When they have small arguments, Mafuyu never raises his voice. But he thinks of his family splintering, and then splintering even more years later. He thinks of Ritsuka in a similar situation and it makes him want to throw up.

“Why should I have to try so hard for her? Why do I have to explain to a grown woman that you have to apologise before you can make anything better?”

“Because holding onto a grudge isn’t good for you! If there’s a way to  _ fix _ a relationship before it’s too late then you should!” Mafuyu shouts desperately into the distance between them, louder than Ritsuka has shouted in years. They’re separated by the breakfast bar, so Mafuyu can’t reach out to touch him.

Ritsuka’s mouth thins into a line as he swallows. His hands twitch but then ball into fists. Both of them release a breath, “Mafuyu…I love you…but this isn’t the  _ same _ as that.” He says slowly and carefully, much quieter than before.

The implication that he’s projecting stings because it’s true. He doesn’t want to acknowledge it. “I know…but don’t you miss her?” He goes for the blow that’ll hurt most, because he wants Ritsuka to understand. He just wants to save him from the guilt of knowing you could have said sorry. He wants to save  _ her _ .

“Mafuyu…” he whispers, face going stony, “Aren’t you always telling me to be more selfish?”

This shocks him and he stammers, “I—”

“I know it would make her happier and my dad happier and my sister happier and even now you apparently happier but I am doing this  _ one _ thing for myself!”

“Ritsu—”

“One thing! For fuck’s sake I’m  _ sorry  _ I don’t want to talk to the woman who made me hate myself?!”

“I was just saying she’s  _ trying _ —” He shouts again. He’s not  _ listening _ .

“I deserve  _ better  _ than _ she’s trying!”  _ Uenoyama shouts back.

“You’re not listening to me Uenoyama! She’s—”

“What did you just call me?”

The change in Ritsuka’s tone still makes his blood cold, no matter how many times he’s repeated this dream. All the anger suddenly drained from it. It sounded like Mafuyu had finally cracked the glass shell of whatever fragile utopia existed between them. That’s where the dream ends. It’s where it always ends. He wakes up to the bedroom shrouded in black as he looks at the world through strands of Ritsuka’s hair. Ritsuka’s distraught face the second he called him Uenoyama for the first time in 6 years is burned into Mafuyu’s eyelids. The collapsed features: a little bit lost and a little bit scared. He remembers it from the stage, staring up at Ritsuka as he dragged his way through Yuki’s song. It’s achingly, achingly young. He always has to mentally remember the rest of the argument when he has this dream. It was two weeks before they went on tour, Yayoi was due to give birth any day and they had an interview the next morning. It was the famous interview where Mafuyu called him Ritsuka live on air before he could even remember to correct himself.

The second his face fell, Mafuyu stops being angry. He immediately walks over to where Ritsuka is standing and clings to him, Ritsuka thankfully responds by wrapping his arms immediately around Mafuyu’s neck. They both start talking immediately, blubbering apologies over each other.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it. You’re Ritsuka. Of course you’re Ritsuka. And of course you deserve better, you’re allowed to be selfish…” is the gist of what Mafuyu says.

“No I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that  _ ever. _ You have a point and I wasn’t listening to you properly.” Is the gist of what Ritsuka says. He then leans back to cradle Mafuyu’s face in his hands. “Of course I miss her. But there has to be more effort before she gets to be forgiven. I deserve that.” He says softly, resting his forehead on Mafuyu’s.

“You do, yes.” He remembers when Ritsuka arrived at his house just after coming out. He remembers him collapsing on the hallway floor hyperventilating and screaming for his mum to come help. He remembers the way he trembled for hours. There isn’t much Yoko could do to make him forgive her for that, actually.

“I’m not 100% against her coming back into my life. But I deserve more than a phone call. If she’s going to phone you, she should start with an apology to you too.” He continues.

“Don’t worry about me—”

“I will worry about you! This affects you too! I’m not angry at you, I’m just mad that it’s upsetting you too now. I never wanted that to happen.”

“You shouldn’t be upset about things without me.” Mafuyu tugs on his shirt lightly.

Ritsuka sighs, and he smiles, and he kisses Mafuyu gently. “You’re right,” he whispers, “I respect myself enough to know that I deserve better than the bare-minimum effort she’s giving me. Giving us. You taught me how to do that.”

“Really?” Mafuyu smiles up at him.

Ritsuka hums his agreement as he leans in to kiss Mafuyu again. Long and languid. Nothing cracked, nothing broken. Just an argument.

“I trust you to know what’s best for you, okay?” Mafuyu whispers next to Ritsuka’s ear, burying his face in his neck. “So I’ll go with whatever you want to do. Even if it changes.”

“I know baby,” he whispers back, and Mafuyu scoffs,

“Since when do you say  _ baby _ ?” he giggles.

“Shut up!” Ritsuka rolls his eyes, “I was trying to be cute,  _ god _ .” He pokes the sensitive spot under Mafuyu’s ribs in retaliation, and they return to putting away the groceries. That’s probably the worst argument they’ve had since Yuki’s song, and it was resolved just like that. He didn’t think about it the 5 months they were on tour, but since they’ve been back he’s started dreaming about it.

Now that he’s calmed himself down he worms in closer to Ritsuka, soaking in his body heat.

“Did you have the dream again?” asks the very hungover creature buried within the sheets.

Mafuyu hums against his back, “How did you know?”

“You kinda jumped, and your heartbeat was really fast for a while.”

“Oh.”

“You know I’m not mad at you right?”

“Yes.”

“We sorted it. We’re good, yes?”

“Yes sir.”

“I love you very much.”

“I love you too.” Mafuyu giggles against his skin. He kisses Ritsuka’s bare shoulder on the way as he sits up. He’s proud of himself for telling Ritsuka about his recurring dream. It’s something he wouldn’t have done a long while ago. Ritsuka didn’t even remember the argument. ( _ Oh, when you said ‘worst argument we’ve ever had’, I thought you meant that time on tour I said one of your lyric ideas was cheesy and you didn’t talk to me for 2 hours _ ). But this way he wakes up to reassurance each time it happens, which helps. As much as it can anyway.

Mafuyu pokes Ritsuka in the ear and he grunts, “Do you want to take a shower with me?” Mafuyu asks,

“M’not awake.”

“Then why are you talking?”

“Was only tryna see if you were okay. Not ready to be a person yet. Going back to sleep.”

“A shower might make you feel better.”

“Yes, but if I stand up I might vomit. And that does not sound very fun for you.”

Mafuyu laughs at his self-inflicted pain, then pretends to sigh dramatically, “Remember when you used to be  _ romantic _ …”

“Shut up…” he groans, “I’m taking you to an onsen for a week. I’ll be romantic starting tomorrow.”

“We still have to pack for that. I’m not doing it for you.”

A hand emerges from the depths of the blanket and finds Mafuyu’s. Ritsuka brings Mafuyu’s hand to his face and nuzzles his forehead against it. “Stop being mean to me. You’re supposed to nurse me back to health.”

Mafuyu clicks his tongue as he strokes his thumb down Ritsuka’s cheek. He needs to shave. He rearranges the blankets until he finds a sliver of cheekbone in the depths and bends over to kiss it. He whispers, “no,” in Ritsuka’s ear and hops off the bed quickly, earning him a very pained, hungover laugh from the body still lying there. He fills up a glass of water, pops out some aspirin and places them on the bedside table before he has his shower though. He brings him a coffee afterwards too. One of the fancy ones he makes with the coffee maker Ugetsu bought for them. The one Ritsuka doesn’t know how to use. He manages to take Kedama for a walk, sort out their last load of dirty laundry and have lunch before he hears the shower turn on.

Ritsuka emerges freshly shaved and dripping in the late afternoon, recovered enough to help Mafuyu pack and cook dinner. He registers Ritsuka acting shifty around one of the bags, trying not to make it obvious that he doesn’t want Mafuyu to see what’s in it. He pretends he doesn’t notice. Mafuyu’s ring has been safely stored in the inside pocket of his guitar case since his mum slyly slipped it to him under the table when they went out for brunch with Yayoi. He’ll get it in the morning. The nerves of it are making both of them jumpy, and Mafuyu secretly thinks he’ll be doing them both a favour if he proposes first as soon as they get there. It’ll save Ritsuka being a twitchy nervous mess the whole time. At some point, Yayoi turns up to take Kedama and then they’re alone. They end up going to bed early, both of them nervous around each other but not able to talk about why.

“Are you okay?” Ritsuka whispers as Mafuyu presses himself against his back that night,

Mafuyu hums as he presses his face between Ritsuka’s shoulder blades, “Yeah, I’m just excited. We’ve never done anything like this before.”

“I can’t believe it’s taken 6 years for us to go on holiday together. Without a whole crew of other people coming along with us, anyway.”

“We’ve just been so busy,” Mafuyu sighs. “It’s the first time we’ve had a break since our debut.”

“It’s nice.” Ritsuka says simply, bringing their interlocked hands to his lips to kiss Mafuyu’s knuckles. Relaxing isn’t a quick process. They let the tension go slowly, muscle by muscle. They’ve been wound tight for 6 years, resisting the change. But, fibre by fibre, they’re relaxing into each other. Into a normal domestic life, a normal couple doing normal things. Given are on a year long break. Ish. They’re taking this year to write another album - but no recording. No tours. Limited interviews, limited photoshoots. Since both he and Ritsuka grew up in Given and grew up with the band life, neither of them have really settled into being adults yet. Mafuyu is more used to living within the confines of one suitcase than his own apartment. More used to having to hide his relationship than fully experience it.

“It is nice.” Mafuyu whispers back, squeezing Ritsuka tighter than what is probably comfortable. Ritsuka just chuckles and relaxes further into him.

“G’night baby,” he croons, causing Mafuyu to giggle against his skin.

“Goodnight, you idiot,” Mafuyu replies. “I love you.”

“Yeah yeah, I love you too.”

Mafuyu kisses the ‘M’ on Ritsuka’s shoulder one more time before they fall asleep. He dreams of furniture shopping and adopting a cat and going on holiday abroad and all the other normal things couples do that they never get time for. Apart from the shiny new recording studio they installed instead of a dining room, their furniture is entirely second-hand. They had cleared out their savings buying this apartment, they had no money to buy nice things,  _ nevermind _ the time. It was right in the middle of album promo and tour. But they have money  _ and _ time now. They can settle now. It’s strange. It’s wonderful.

Ritsuka wakes him up, giddy and excitable. Mafuyu makes him pack all the luggage in the car by himself, watching indulgently as his muscles shift under his t-shirt. It’s probably one of Mafuyu’s, it’s a little bit too tight. Ritsuka rolls his eyes and goes a touch pink but otherwise carries on unbothered. Mafuyu drives them to the onsen, a three hour drive out of Tokyo. Ritsuka can’t drive. He  _ really  _ can’t drive. Mafuyu has tried to teach him exactly twice, and they remain to be some of the only times he’s seen Ritsuka properly angry. He believes Ritsuka is beyond teaching, but apparently he’s going to get ‘proper’ lessons soon. Mafuyu just feels sorry for whoever gets hired to teach him. But Ritsuka makes a pretty picture in the passenger's seat, feet up on the dashboard despite Mafuyu’s initial protest. The sun catches his hair and eyes just right and he’s smiling, pompously proud of the playlist he made for the journey. They sing along together for maybe the first hour of the journey, but slowly Ritsuka starts to drift off. Mafuyu doesn’t mind. He enjoys the music, singing along and smiling at the memories. Songs from the playlists Ritsuka made for Mafuyu their first Christmas. The first CD Mafuyu bought for Ritsuka. Blueberry eyes. Songs they dance to together in the kitchen. Songs Mafuyu has sung with Hiiragi on stage. Ritsuka seems to have remembered all the songs that played in the background of their relationship, ones that Mafuyu didn’t even notice at the time but unlock all the memories as he listens to them. A playlist of their life together, and Mafuyu thinks that Ritsuka probably didn’t just make this for the car journey. He’s probably been working on it a long time. Since they met even. It’s just something Ritsuka  _ would _ do and then not even make a big deal out of. Mafuyu feels the pressure of the ring box inside of his jeans pocket and grins giddily. He can’t wait to marry this boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! Been a while!!
> 
> I took a lil break cuz i wrote like the first 40k of this in a month and that was wild. i have many ideas for fics now and I'm v excited but I thought id write my lovely mafuyama future au to get back into the swing of things cuz this is so lovely and fun for me to write.
> 
> Updates and other fics should be coming semi-regularly again now I guess? also u can follow me on twitter or instagram @bestboyuecchi for sneak peaks of upcoming work and i also draw art. (sorry for plugging myself but like. it appears these are fairly popular)
> 
> I missed you!! love u lots!!

**Author's Note:**

> This....made me so happy to write. They're so healthy. They're so happy. They saved each other and I love them so much! This started as a 1 chapter uenoyama hurt/comfort and turned into like a 35k series with 6 separate works in it, so whoops. I also said that this would be the last chapter, but now I'm like hmm proposal?? Wedding?? Children? So I will probably add chapters to this in future just for fun. But I will probably take a bit of a break to write other things. Thank you so much if you've followed this series the whole way through, I hope you enjoyed seeing the boys grow as much as I enjoyed writing it. Ily lots <3


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